Wednesday, October 13, 2004

rambling fingers

set your head down to the road and just look as far as you can. farther than your eyes actually see- just know where it goes and see it, the road, touching all the places it touches. now you're connected probably some of your friends are touching it too or looking and thinking about how their road goes to you. maybe someone you don't yet love is there, connected to you already. Goddamnit if you only would go or they would go or both of you would go meet accidentally in the middle. but no, you've got other things on your mind that seem more important to do and you forget the road is there.

but get out of the road before you get run over, jerk.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Summer Bible Camp Memories #2

Remember that one time when
you forgot to bring your lunch so at
lunchtime you just drank about
eighteen cups of free sugarless
Kool-aid and maybe there was
something going around or maybe
that Kool-aid was tainted or maybe
it was just you but do you remember
when you vomited in the counselors
face right when he knelt down to
ask you if "you alright, little guy?"

And later, do you remember when
you vomited again on the trail but it
was all chunky cause it was just
saltines that the nurse had given you
to eat while you laid in her tent?

enough is enough

They're right outside my window somewhere... in one of those sticky trees that screws up your car if you park under it for longer than a few minutes. Some baby birds that just won't shut up, grow up and leave the goddamn nest already. It's been weeks now. Didn't the nature show say that the mom bird would toss them out eventually to force them to learn to fly? What is wrong with this mom bird? Isn't she sick of them yet? Maybe those babies are all she has in the world. Maybe no one loves her, so she is clinging to them- not teaching them how to fly or how to feed themselves just so that she can selfishly keep them dependent on her in her little nest.

Someday, though, the little birds might finally get a clue. They will somehow accidentally fall out of the nest or another bird will come along and show them what they're missing.

I like to think that I will be cruel enough to laugh at the mom bird when this finally happens.But I'm afraid that when it comes down to it, I will probably just cry along with her.A soulful, chirping song of sadness and loss.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Summer Bible Camp Memories #1

Remember the time that
you had to entice that
one snake into biting
you on the eye
to counteract the
bite you had received
previously from that
other, bigger,
more poisonous snake?

Friday, March 5, 2004

A word to the wise

I know. I agree with you - it's really exciting and cool when someone you know appears in your dream. You really want to go and tell them all about it, don't you? But I have to tell you... It is in your best interest just to keep it to yourself.

Maybe you should treat it this way: Imagine that the person you dreamed about has an extra personality in their head that they're unaware of. It takes over for them at night and comes and hangs out with you. You do all sorts of cool things together, but for some reason, if their 'real' personality ever finds out about it, the universe will be destroyed. See - now you can't tell them. It's that easy.

Just cherish the time you were able to have together and leave it at that. I'm serious. If you tell them about it, they will probably try to act like everything's cool but secretly they will hate you and think that you're a nut or obsessed with them or 'clingy' or some crap like that.

You don't need to thank me.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

A new kind of movie

you take a minor character from a film that already exists and you make them the main character in a movie of your own.

I'm not going to tell you the details of how you make it, but basically, when all is said and done you set up 2 dvd players next to eachother and two tvs next to eachother and you press play on the old movie and your movie at the same time. If you did a good job, then the main character in your film will walk offscreen and walk right into his minor role in the previously existing film.

man, you will be so cool then.

You don't need to thank me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

The Power of Rhyme

hey there... if you're like me, you have midterm junk going on right about now. Chances are you haven't even looked at the required reading and you have a few hours before your doom. Here's what you need to do:
Meet up with another kid who has made him or herself some really great, organized study aids like flash cards and stuff..... then tell them you think you should study together. Now take all their flash cards or whatever and go through them and make up little songs and rhymes and things to help you remember all the crap you have to regurgitate. Pretty soon you'll be blazing through that test and laughing all the way. Then you won't feel so bad when you bomb.

It worked for me, so take it or leave it. peace.

WARNING: This ONLY works with rote memory bullshit tests. It does not work for essays or math problems or anything that requires actual thought.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Talking down

One good way to sound sort of condescending is to start your responses to people with 'well' and end them with 'then'.It doesn't always work, but if you try a sentence with it and without it, I think you'll agree that it sounds more condescending with it.