Thursday, December 20, 2007

Strange Form of Life

Can't get this song out of my head lately, so I'm posting the lyrics here for you to deal with.

Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Strange Form Of Life

a strange form of life
kicking through windows
rolling on yards

heading in loved ones' triggering eyes
a strange one

and a hard way to come into a cabin
into the weather
into a path
walking together
a hard one

and the softest lips ever
25 years of waiting to kiss them
smiling and waiting
to bend down and kiss twice
the softest lips

in a dark little room
across the nation
you found myself racing
forgetting the strange and the hard
and the soft kiss
in the dark room

and a strange form of life
kicking through windows
rolling on yards

heading in loved ones' triggering eyes
a strange one

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Urban Smile opening

Hey, the gallery opening had a fantastic turnout. Thank you to all of my friends who showed up to have a look and say hi. For those of you who couldn't make it, the show is on display all through December.

It was great getting to meet some of the other artists. A couple of my friends actually bought paintings, too.

You really should go see the show in person, but if you know you're not going to then you can see most or maybe all of the pieces here.

Also - my piece 'wormfood' can be seen in detail here.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Upcoming Art Show December 7th

Hey, a couple of my sculptures were recently accepted into the group show "Urban Smile" at Brian Marki Fine Art. I hope you will join me at the opening the first Friday in December. The details can be found at the site, but here's the basic info:

When: Friday December 7th, 2007 6-9 PM
Where: Brian Marki Gallery 2236 NE Broadway Portland, OR 97232 USA

Hope to see you there.

New Custom Dunny Completed

Hey, I finished a new sculpture today. Check out the photoset. Done!

Monday, October 1, 2007

Mortal Combat

This morning's dream had me cast in a duel to the death with some guy I don't know in real life. The bastard sacrificed himself (via electrocution) in order to take me along with him.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

OJ's Eleven

I'm sure a lot of people made the same connection. Here's a clever video clip sent to me by the Professor.

Friday, September 14, 2007

OJ is back

OJ Simpson's recent run-in with the law is already being made into a movie.

ojs eleven

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Phone Poll #1

On Friday night I sent out a text message poll to most of the people in my phone. The question was one I have been wondering about lately:

What is the oldest trick in the book?


D.N. - Men dressed as women
D.W. - The Shell Game
B.F. - "Look over there!" [pointing]
D.H. - "Your shoe is untied."
S.C. - "You have something on your shirt." [Bonk!]
D.G. - "My hands are full, could you reach into my pocket?"
J.S. - The Houdini
M.H. - Hugh Hefner
J.S. - Texting strangers random questions
B.T. - Prostitution
E.N. - Trojan Whores
S.P. - Prostitution. It's in the fucking bible!
C.?. - Mary Magdelene
J.A. - Reviving the nut sac (which we'll file under Prostitution)
J.C. - Toss up between Stove Top Stuffing and instant mashed potatoes
N.H. - Mr. Potato-god
S.?. - Switching the poisoned cup
M.M. - Ointments that don't really work
S.K. - Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

I was quite surprised to see potatoes come way out of left field for a close second place. But as you can see, the slang usage of the word 'trick' for an act of prostitution has topped the chart on this one. I think that many people may have felt it was a trick question. Maybe it was.

If you intend to pose this same question to anyone, I recommend being as clear as possible. Depending on your meaning, ask either of these instead:

"What is the oldest known prank in history?"


"Who is the first prostitute in the Bible?"

According to this Uncyclopedia entry, the oldest prank known in history is "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Silver Falls Hike

I went on a hike Saturday with Neven and Christa. Neven made this little video memoir:

Monday, July 9, 2007

Humpty Dedumpty

Breaking News:

Humpty Dumpty has fallen from a wall and broken his body into at least two pieces.

It is still unknown whether or not Humpty Dumpty's injuries were fatal.

We might assume that Humpty Dumpty's well-being is of some importance to the King since all of his horses and men have arrived in what is so far an unsuccessful attempt to reassemble Humpty Dumpty.

Sarcasm was not implied in the account we've heard, so we are treating it as literal truth until more information surfaces.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Horror Money

Wouldn't it be creepy if you inherited a jacket from a lost uncle that you never knew about who disappeared under mysterious circumstances and you were wearing it around and reached into the pocket and found this?

Well, maybe that happened to me.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Mind-numbingly Small

Alden called me last night just in time to inform me to turn on the news and catch a short feature on sculptor Willard Wigan. Check him out. He's filthy rich now, as he should be. Yes, this is the head of a regular sewing needle.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Eight Random Things

I got tagged by Susan to list 8 random things about myself. After reading her 8 things, I am going to list the first 8 things that come to mind.

1. Most of my dreams have celebrity cameos.

2. I have done other people's homework for money.

3. I've had 2 insignificant premonitions that proved to be completely accurate. One regarding a phone call I would receive and one regarding the location of 3 specific stones buried in the ground.

4. As a child, I lived in a teepee, a schoolbus, a church and more than 30 other places.

5. I have lain in someone else's grave.

6. One night in 7th grade, I changed my handwriting style forever.

7. I found a $100 bill in the redwoods.

8. I've never seen fireflies, but they are one of my favorite things.

So, since this is how it goes, I'm tagging the people I'm pretty sure might actually read this and play along: Dave, Chief and Goblins - you guys are 'it'.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Chest! Face! Crotch!

Yesterday the Nealham gang got together for some drinking and merry-making and it resulted in something short you might call a film.

It's the 4th episode in the ongoing Chest! Face! Crotch! series by Nealham, but I'm the new guy and this is my first time helping out with it.

Did every boy at some point in his youth think that the ultimate move was an elbow to the chest followed by the swinging of the fist up into the face and then all the way back down to end with a smashing blow to the crotch? I know I did. Where did we learn that move?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Rat King realization

I was in the theater watching 28 Weeks Later when it dawned on me that one of my favorite music videos contains the most precious, pristine Rat King of all. Check out the soft, white blanket of rats that enters about 3/4 through this clip:

Check out this little snippet of the original song by the rat king of pop.

Friday, June 15, 2007

The Rat King

Like many kids my age at the time (I assume), I was way into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I bought the comics whenever I could - usually on trips to Eugene where there were a couple of nice comic shops. I had a lot of the toys, too - though my interest was in cutting them up and combining them into new characters.

One minor character I had forgotten about until today was Ha'ntaan - the Rat King. In the original comics, the turtles pretty much killed him and moved on. He later returned in one issue of the cheesy, non-violent Archie comics series as the mysterious ruler of the horde of rats in the NY sewer system. This time around, he had a throne and even some dialogue implying that he and his rats would feast on the corpses of their enemies.

But he didn't do any fighting or feasting. The turtles just asked him for directions and he just pointed. They never crossed paths again.

Ha'ntaan has resurfaced in pretty much every incarnation of the TMNT story - comics, cartoons and videogames. But he has not done anything that really supports his self-proclaimed title.

Coppola's Dracula, with his ability to turn into a vicious pile of rats, could have easily taken the rat throne if he had so desired. It seems a bit beneath him though, considering the other cool things he was capable of.

With no contenders, the crown still rests upon the thousand, furry heads of the original bundle of rats that ruled the sewers of legend in times of yore. All hail the Rat King.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


dls: watch out for plague-bearing fleas
LaserWolf: oh, damn
LaserWolf: i've already got a few bites
dls: do you have any buboes yet?
LaserWolf: i guess not
LaserWolf: what are they?
bastard: they are actually pretty nice ones, especially for $2 a piece at Goodwill. :D
LaserWolf: sweet
LaserWolf: i will look for them
dls: I think its when your glands get swollen
LaserWolf: oh
LaserWolf: dang
dls: around your neck and armpits
LaserWolf: so that's what these are
LaserWolf: i thought you were talking about some cool new creature to capture
dls: haha
LaserWolf: i hope I can get at least $2 for these at goodwill
LaserWolf: they are definitely troubling me
dls: man, I guess you can get just about anything at goodwill for $2

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Dream come true

We are helping build the virtual world. After you watch that video, go give Photosynth a try. I'm serious.

Friday, May 25, 2007

fruits & labors

LaserWolf: if someone harvests wild fruit and sells it LaserWolf: should their price be less than the price of farmed fruit? goblins: no it should be the same unless its stealing from someone else’s property goblins: what’s your position on it? LaserWolf: the farmer should get more…. but if he charges more, people will just buy from the wild harvester LaserWolf: so they should charge the same LaserWolf: funny when you think about it LaserWolf: you’re not buying the fruit LaserWolf: you’re buying the right to eat the ‘fruit’ of someone’s labors goblins: no you own the fruit then, not their labor LaserWolf: good point LaserWolf: but what you are paying for is their time LaserWolf: so you don’t have to go find or grow your own goblins: their time is paid for from the profits LaserWolf: their profits are the money you give them, right? goblins: yeah LaserWolf: we said the same thing there LaserWolf: hah

Monday, April 30, 2007

New Sculpture Completed

Hey, no way! I finally finished Anathea! Please check out the photoset.


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Final Frontiers

Do you ever have that same sense of fear that you assume an earth astronaut of the future might have as they leave an earth shuttle and become the first to set foot on the first possibly habitable planet ever discovered by earth outside of earth’s galaxy? Like “what if there truly is intelligent life here and we have no possible means of communication?” Or “what if my arrival here is the beginning of the end for them?” (wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.)

I do. Sometimes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Monday, April 16, 2007

Wahkeena Hike

Some of us went on a really nice hike yesterday. Check out the pics.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Pop Quiz

Ready to use your memory? Take this 10 minute timed test.

Saturday, March 3, 2007


no telling what truly caused or did not cause me to stop by your house today
here are just a few of the contributing factors. I may or may not be aware of others

[first of all], a woman cleaned up after her dog right as i walked by
she kept her back to me because maybe or maybe not she was embarrased
did she could she imagine me imagining her enjoying the warmth through the plastic bag in her hand?
i looked away in order to allow her whatever privacy she did or not need

[second of all] but as I turned my head, there was a discarded golden condom wrapper right in the walkway of the house i was walking in front of

[something of all] the song that just came on is too good to interrupt by pushing pause in the event that you are on your porch to talk or not to.

the people inside probably or did not see me seeing their condom wrapper
and looking straight ahead, I saw your window and

[third of all] by now i was already
too close to call and ask if you were or not home.

[fourth of all] I even looked back to consider one last time, but there was the lady and her dog
heads held high to hide or not hide any loss of dignity - warm plastic bag in hand

so just close your eyes. try not to embarrass anyone. keep walking.

were you or not home? did or did not you see me? i may or may not catch you next time.