Monday, April 17, 2006

Pet Owners Beware

Domesticated animals remain domestic because their wild needs are regularly met but someday when you are old and feeble or even someday soon if you happen to fall or otherwise become incapacitated to the point where you are unable to feed your animal at feeding time and you are stuck lying there in your apartment with your pet pacing around restlessly, there will not be much to stop your pet from eventually realizing that you are the very same type of food that his/her wild predatory ancestors used to eat once upon a time.

I don't want to go into the details here, so please just try to imagine how this would go down. Would your pet have the instinct to kill you beforehand or would it eat you alive? If so, how? What part of you would it eat first? How long would you survive being eaten?

I wonder how many times this has happened. Why not do a search?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

anal-ogy

one could say that settling with one's first love is much like wearing the same dirty (yes: pooped in) diaper for one's entire life.

discussion: is this comparison accurate? what comparison would be more accurate?

bernadette: oh, come on. the idea that you can find a diaper that you really like when you're only in high school is very romantic.

omnicollective: That's a good point. And if it's one of those cloth diapers, you can wash it.... but you'll never get the stains out.

bernadette: and isn't that the best part? the stains will always be there through everything.

brett: I think it's more like getting your leg stuck in a bear trap. And then celebrating the day your leg got stuck in a bear trap year after year.

omnicollective: Also a good point. I should have guessed that you would show up and bring bears into this mess. I was going to counter you by asking 'but what good is a bear trap?' But then you could have countered saying 'what good is a diaper.' Then I would have said 'Touche, my friend. well played. Any fool can see, a bear trap is good for the one who sets it - just as wearing a diaper is good for the one who shits it.'

joel: Always thinking two or three steps ahead in any discourse... that's my dear Aspen. Let me ask you: What's the difference between the same old pooped-in diapers of your youth and a brand new pair that you'll poop in the first chance you get?

omnicollective: um..... do you still wear diapers?

joel: Only when I'm making love...

stacy: life is like a dirty pooped in diaper. you poop, you change it because it stinks, you feel great about the change, and then you poop again....it's a vicious cycle, but the change part is always the best...it makes up for the poop.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

subconscious DJ

you get different songs stuck in your head all throughout the day without even realizing it unless you stop and ask your brain what song you are singing at that moment. some of them meld together because of similarities that your auto-pilot discovers and subtly mixes without you even knowing and pretty soon you have learned the song your new wrong right way. your brain keeps singing it in the background and by the time you are conscious of it you can no longer tell the difference between your version and the original.

for example: this is the reason that you can't understand why your anal friends are annoyed when you scream "OHIO!" at the end of the opening credits for That 70's Show.