The most important thing, even before having actual inventory, is this: You NEED to have TV commercials. And your commercials can't be like the rest of those slick, high production commercials that are on TV these days. If you want your ad to stand out above the others, here is a list of the keys to suck-cess.
1. Air time is not cheap. Get the REALLY late night advertising spots... like 2 or 3 AM. They are the best. It doesn't take a Mattress Genius to know that people who need a mattress can't sleep, so they are watching TV during bedtime! And guess what... here's a little industry secret. Late night slots are dirt cheap! Does the TV network know about this? I don't know!!! But let's not tell them. That's right up your price bracket, smarty pants!
2. Actors are not cheap. And even if you can afford them, they're jerks who just don't know how to YELL the lines the way you need them to be YELLED (see YELL below). And if you get friends to be in your ads, they always need some crappy incentive to show up on time, like 5 dollar pizzas or some hot pockets. You're trying to MAKE money here, right? You've got family, right? Here's another industry secret: Your family (including pets) is the best troupe of actors around. They'll do exactly what you say because they have to. Especially the kids. If you have twins or triplets, work out a gimmick that relies on them being twins or triplets. Here's one for you to use - have them lay down on a twin or triple bed and sing your jingle. Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about GOLD!! and don't forget to give them an awesomely clever name like 'the twinbed twins' or the 'triplewide triplets'. or something. If you have any money left after paying for your ad (if you're doing it just like I tell you, you'd better have some goddamn money left) get your twins or triplets plastered on the sides of buses and bus stop benches. THAT is effective advertising!
3. Get a JINGLE
4. YELL!
5. Here's the last key. This one is optional, but can really seal the deal. If you have access, get some Computer Graphics in your ad. I know you've heard all this talk about these new 'robots' and how they're going to 'take over the world' and 'Y2K' and all that. Yes, those are all true, but robots can be exploited for good, too. My nephew studies computers in school and has actually found a way to use them for good instead of stealing people's identities like they were designed for. He's done all kinds of great things with my Mattress Pit logo. He made it explode and fly out of a pot of gold and hatch out of an egg and all sorts of other clip-arty type holiday themed actions. He's even made it do things that are totally irrelevant to selling mattresses. He made it transform into some kind of pokey-man (you know those things the kids are all into). I think that is good for getting people's attention, you know? So really, if you know a good american kid who can use robots/computers for good things, get him to make you some free animated logo stuff for your ads. That can be the difference between a 'ho-hum' ad and a really obnoxiously memorable one.
I'm intentionally leaving out some details so that you can give your ad some of your own 'flavor'. If you need further instruction, just let me know. But seriously - if you can't suck-seed at selling mattresses..... it's time for you to blow your brains out. Or maybe get into real estate. no-brainer.
Fine Print: omnicollective is not a mattress professional. He's just a guy who drank too much caffeine