Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A real life fable

little girl: hey, do you know fonts?
omnicollective: yes. a little
little girl
: cool, I'm trying to find one that's stretched out length wise
little girl: but a little bold
: did you already find a good one?
little girl: i did find some good ones
omnicollective: ok
little girl: but I can't figure out how to get them into Photoshop
omnicollective: do you mean you can't figure out how to get the font into the fonts folder on your system?
little girl: well, it's in the folder
little girl: no, I can see it on the fonts list, but when I choose it nothing shows up
omnicollective: it's a font you just downloaded off the innerwebs?
little girl: yeah
little girl: like even the curser goes away
little girl: damn, looks like it's just the font
omnicollective: some of those free fonts off the web are trash
little girl: it works in TextEdit, but not Photoshop
omnicollective: weird
omnicollective: is it truetype?
little girl: right, yeah, I'll have to research it
omnicollective: i was about to type 'a little research never hurt anyone'
omnicollective: but then i remembered that is not true
little girl: ooh, what's an example?
omnicollective: i'm glad you asked, little girl
omnicollective: have a seat on my lap here
omnicollective: and i will tell you of the time
omnicollective: i wanted to learn how to open champagne bottles with a sword
omnicollective: the way those cool guys do
little girl: of course
omnicollective: so i did a little reading
omnicollective: felt like i had a pretty good handle on it
omnicollective: ordered a sword off of ebay
omnicollective: and snuck it into an award banquet my friend invited me to as her date
omnicollective: she was set to get an award and i wanted to make it extra special
omnicollective: they put champagne bottles on each table
omnicollective: it couldn't have been more perfect
omnicollective: when the time came and she was up accepting her award
omnicollective: i shook up the bottle and attempted to saber off the top of it
omnicollective: the whole thing exploded
omnicollective: shards of glass flew into me and the people at my table
omnicollective: 2 of them got it in the eye
omnicollective: but that's not the worst
omnicollective: the cork flew up and hit the chandelier
omnicollective: and spun it
omnicollective: i guess it had a weak link or something
omnicollective: it crashed down right on my friend
omnicollective: slicing her into a zillion pieces
omnicollective: everyone freaked out
omnicollective: and i panicked
omnicollective: the security guards were coming for me
omnicollective: and i sliced my way through them
omnicollective: i made it to the top of the building
omnicollective: but some guards caught up to me
little girl: oooh
omnicollective: i was trying to put the sword down
omnicollective: but my panic made my grip so tight
omnicollective: they started shooting at me
omnicollective: but fired into the Portland World Trade Center across the street
omnicollective: within minutes, jets were in the air
omnicollective: i guess there is a top secret nuclear weapon called the Champagne Sabre
omnicollective: so they misunderstood the situation that had been reported over their radios
omnicollective: and exercised deadly force
omnicollective: blowing the entire building to rubble
omnicollective: everyone died
omnicollective: so the message here is just be careful with research
little girl: wow, I guess you're right
little girl: who knows where this Kool-Aide font will take me

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